My Soapbox Today

okay, I figured i'd give you a break and not put the update (see previous) on the same post as this. so take a deep breath. . . . ok ready?

I am getting really mad at Wilson from the FOX show "House". Actually, he and Dr. Cuddy, but mostly Wilson. Have you ever known someone like him? I am sorry if you have! This is the only person that House actually considers a friend (although granted, he has a funny way of showing it). Now, House is a real jackass--there is no argument there. But, he is a jackass with one redeeming quality: he saves lives that others cannot figure out how to save. And in saving these lives, he sometimes gets all conflicted about his own issues and takes them out on everyone else, especially Wilson. And, like a good friend, Wilson is concerned about the state of his mental health because he appears to be destroying himself is some endless attrition and blaming the whole world for the fact that he has to suffer through it. Okay, I'm cool with that. I was also very surprised and glad that House seemed to be reaching out and taking a risk to get himself off the vicodin and stop being such a miserable sourpuss all the time.

What I don't get it this: They expect him to stop being a jackass and be this changed, angelic person, and get mad at him for still being House, only with two functioning legs. There are many cases throughout history where it is demonstrated that genius and madness are not far away from each other. And if not madness, is it fair to say eccentricity? Either way, it is obvious that House has a gift: he can see things and think through them is such a way as to find the cause of seemingly unrelated symptoms and test results that don't make sense. If any doctor could do what he did, no one would put up with him! So, the people he trusts the most take it upon themselves to decide to lower him a notch or two when he is at his most vulnerable state--"for his own good"!! oh yeah, cause "Kick him when he's down" isn't a treatment right next to "It's all in your head" in the book of the most stupid diagnostic treatment cliches of all time!! He comes back from medical leave, and besides walking does the same thing that House usually does, but instead of blaming the vicodin and his general need to make people as miserable as he is, Cuddy and Wilson blame his recovery! Then they tell him his judgement is cloudy and he isn't thinking clearly because he is actually interested in easing someone's pain. Oh, that's horrible! We can't have him doing that! Would they rather have him as a drug addict again?! Then, they lie to him about the success of the case, and they get their moment of triumph over the newly-humbled House. Gee, don't they feel righteous. Well what happens in the next case? Yep, he gives up and decided he can't figure out what's wrong with the patient, because he dosen't want to make the same foolish "House-ish" mistakes he did last time. And Wilson especially goes out of his way to rub it in: "You aren't right all the time, if the last week is any proof" (or something like that) and then walks away with his hands up like saying "it's not MY fault you failed on your last case.": even though he didn't fail!!! I wanted to break my TV!!! So then, of course, everyone is all shocked that he won't cure his patient, and they want the "old House" back. Well, too bad--you broke him!

The cool thing is: House is still House, and he figured out what they were up to. "No, it's not like Cuddy to lie to me like that--But it is like you." Wilson thought he had House all figured out, but he forgot one thing: no one can ever have another person "figured out". Most of the time, we don't even have our own self "figured out". Wilson assumed that House had some sort of God complex and needed humbling, but the truth is that House is already operating from the humblest place anyone can--his disability. If i had a disability, and it was obvious for all to see, I would have a really hard time convincing anyone, including myself, that i was the best at anything. It would be difficult to pull myself out of the haze of pain and mysery; ingnore the cliche, yet well-meaning, platitudes of sympathy from people; push past the misconceptions and the limitations placed on me by people who see my disability and get the wrong idea; and look beyond it to do something that is in essence so giving and healing to others--and to be one of the most gifted ones at it! A person working through all of that doesn't need to be lowered. It isn't humbling--it's humiliating.

Bottom line: If you try to "cure" the eccentricity, you also "cure" the giftedness. Is it really such a good thing that we are all so socially "well-adjusted" that there is no one who comes at life from a different angle? What a tragety! What would life be like if we all went along straight, horzontal lines, and no one ever thought to wiggle a little bit! Who would inspire us to be better than we are, go higher than we dare, and see farther than ever before? We would just be flat, and flat is not pleasant at all.

Bob bought a hundred-dollar suit,
But couldn't afford any underwear.
Says he "If your outside looks real good
No one will know what's under there."


Jack bought some hundred-dollar shorts
But wore a suit with rips and tears.
Says he, "It won't matter what people see
As long as I know what's under there."


Tom bought a flute and a box of crayons,
Some bread and cheese and a golden pear.
And as for his suit or his underwear
He doesn't think about them much . . . or care.

"Outside or Underneath?" by Shel Silverstein

well, it's nice to know i am keeping to my track record of one and a half posts a YEAR... oh well. so, anyway, hello out there in cyberland. I have been getting ridicule from people *coughs while saying "Kim"* to update this thing, and i guess it is about time. So, here goes: I lost my job at the church. They asked me to please find a job that is actually comparable to my abilities, and leave the admin asst. job for someone who is a better fit--like a high school student. (I am a college graduate.) I guess i didn't think i was THAT over qualified for the job, but I guess that really i am, i was just trying to find things to make it more challenging since i was already working there. It was strange to hear them say that they could tell that i was so under-challenged that it was a struggle to come to work everyday because i hate being so transparent. I thought i was doing a good job of hiding it, but it turns out i was only hiding it from myself, and it was obvious to everyone else! ich! But, in the end, it is a good thing because i have a chance to re-group and try for a job that is actually something that interests me, not just a way to keep from starving to death and going homeless. So, there are no hurt feelings between my boss and me.

Speaking of homeless, Jeremy (my boyfriend) is moving to Nashville soon. He's a musician (and a VERY talented one!!) and he is hoping to find some work in *gasp* music! Well, that and a "joe job" to tide him over until he can work as a musician full time. He has some connections down there that are really helping him get on his way. So, he is going this friday to dig up some job prospects, and unless it is the most awful experience ever, he will probably stay down there. No, I am not planning to follow him right away. True, I am looking for a job, and I am not un-looking (so to speak) in Nashville, but i have more roots established here than he does and I don't want to dig them up at the moment (like a doctor, a therapist, friends, etc). Yes, i will miss him. Yes, it is temporary. Yes, I am proud of him and think that this is the best thing for him. As you can see, I'm a little conflicted emotionally--between cheering him forward and doing everything i can to sabotage his progress--but overall I really do want him to do this, so i am keeping the sabotage to a bare minimum. ;)

that's about it. Oh, please visit my homepage at www.geocities.com/parodeis . There isn't much there yet, but i am working on it, and hopefully one day soon there will a flash site and an html site so i can show off my ability to steal code and change it to my own particular image. hehehe.

bye for now.