Anyone who is willing out there, please pray for me. I have been under a lot of stress at work, as you have been hearing me complain about for a while. Well, God has been pointing me in a new direction, and even pointed out a place to look for a new job.....i think. This is where the prayer comes it: It's a ministry. I don't have a very good track record with ministries. Sometimes it feels like everything i touch turns to rot. But there are more complicated circumstances to it all... I have wanted to join in ministries before, but they havenn't worked out. One time, I had someone list to me everything i ever feared or disliked about myself as reasons not to go into ministry, so it is pretty daunting to think about setting myself up to go through it again! But through all of it, this pull has been there, and a part of me knows i will never be satisfied until i find a way to answer it.

You are probably thinking "Isn't the fact that NOTHING has ever worked out an indicator that you shouldn't go into a ministry?" Believe me, i'm asking myself the same question. Here is why i think this is different: I always had mixed motives before. I wanted to be involved for the right reasons, but i was also having delusions of granduer. I always had a list of things i would improve or change by being involved. this time, I have such respect for what this organization already is, i would never dream of trying to change anything: I just want to be a part of the work. Is that selfish? I think everything we do is partially selfish, just depends whether it's good or bad. I want to do something meaningful and exciting because i hate where i am and i want my life to be better than it is. So there are self-focused motives, but the bigger motive here is that I love what this group does for others. I want to help.

Either way, deciding to join a ministry is not to be taken lightly, that's another thing i've learned. That's why i need as much prayer as i can get. Partially, to make sure i am really doing the right thing, and also to give me the courage to step out there and do it. I have only thought about it so far, because i am a chicken when it comes to change. But i really think that I am different today than the last time i tried this, and i really think this is a better fit for me than where i am now. so please pray for me.

Thought i would just toss that out into space for everyone. Hopefully i haven't sapped all over the internet. This is just part of my mission to open up a bit.