It is really late, and i should be going to bed, but here i am. no, i haven't died.

all that i can say is that things are bound to get better because they can't get much worse. actually, they could be a lot worse, but y' know i have a flare for drama. i would love to go into detail, but i don't know where to start, and you don't want to hear it. I'm just basically depressed and i can't seem to break free of it. all in all, just going through the experience is probably the whole point. so that i know what it's like. in case it ever comes in handy, which it probably will because why would i be going through it if it wasn't going to be useful?

one valuable skill i have aquired as manager is the skill of yelling at people. I was never very good at it, but i have become a seasoned professional. I have gotten compliments from passers-by about my technique and artistic word choice. all in all, it's not the highlight of my communications skill set... there is no class or focus in yelling at people, although maybe there should be. It could aleviate a lot of tension...

Anyway, dwelling on it is no use, it only makes things seem more hopeless, and then i have a crappy day off. Like today. and the day before that. only that was a crappy day at work. This whole only do counseling on thursdays thing is not working (at church, i mean). I can never get a thursday off to talk to pastor martin, and when i do they are always sacrificed. THis week, i had to skip my appointment because someone called off work and there was no other way to cover the schedule except to switch my day off, so no appointment. It was the only thrusday i managed to have off this month, and i won't get any in november or december. At one visit every other month, i don't seem to be getting anywhere. hmm.....funny.

on a lighter note, to cheer myself up i watched baby giraffes on animal planet, and then "a few good men"....jack nicholson yelling at people is bound to make anyone feel better. Well, at least i'm not crying anymore.

I'm not very inspiring tonight, i'm sorry. I am reminding myself of hope...maybe in the morning i will remember it without having to be reminded...i hope.