okay, before yall get really worried about me, i'll give you a quick update. I am taking the job. i would be crazy not to. the salary, and departmental commission will be worth my while. It will be a challenge, but with a beer every now and then, i can get through it. j/k

I decided to feel good about it. four months ago, Daniel (aka whiggy) told me i had a very long way to go to be ready for my own store. now he asked me to apply for this promotion. That is really cool!! THat makes me feel good. *Stephanie pauses to feel good* it doesn't mean i have to stop looking for something better, i just am taking a step up in the mean time. I was afraid that getting into management in retail would cement me into it, and i would never be able to get a job outside of retail ever again, but i am beginning to think that any management experience is good experience. And only God knows what he has planned for me.

and also this: These past 2 days have been MISERABLE because i admitted to myself i needed help. okay, nothing wrong with that, except (and i have done this before) I let getting help be an excuse for not fighting anymore. Like i was somehow shifting all my weapons to someone else, and was already counting on them to fight for me, *even though i hadn't even gone to one session yet!!* so i sat on the couch for two days feeling sorry for myself because i needed help. how pathetic. so i picked my weapons all back up, and admitted to myself that about 90% of the reason i don't want this job is that i am afraid. it's risky, and unknown, and i might not succeed. I will make mistakes. I have made so many before, i am tired of making them. but what would life be with no risk? no challenge? BORING! and not even as pain free as one would hope! It's like being stressed because you don't have enough stressors in you life--it's stressful to not have any stress.

...so i guess you could say "No pain, pain"... err, something like that...

so i'm taking the stupid job. The store is in Newark, in a little town called Heath. i will have to drive an hour to work each way, but from what i understand, that is not atypical for managers in this reigon, most of them drive at least an hour to work. it is a real mall, with a decent food court, and i won't have to pay for parking, walk two city blocks from my car to work, or have to sell jewelry to street bums!

okay, i am off to see men in black II...i will tell yall what i think!